People close to me always say, “Zelle, be kind to yourself” and I do not understand why they keep on telling me this. Until I finally realized why— I have been too harsh with myself all along. I keep on feeding negativities into my mind and I keep doubting myself, too.
Would you believe that before I am able to write and publish my very first book, The Art of Asking, I ….
- monetized mrswife.net, a blog created for wives like me. Wherein I wrote under a pen name because I am not confident with my writings. [Don’t search for it now, I already terminated my account because someone kept on hacking my blog.]
- wrote 50+ poetries [all written for myself]
- won 1st place on a poetry writing contest at school, but I didn’t even bother getting my certificate, because I feel like I do not deserve it
- wrote 10 novelettes [all unpublished]
- created chapter outlines for 2 unfinished fiction novels
- re-created this blog for more than 15 times since 2010 [because I felt that it’s not well designed, because I designed it on my own]
As you can see, I’ve been really harsh on myself all these years. I doubted myself too much. I am not confident to write. I believed that I needed to graduate journalism or literature to be able to deserve being called a writer. That’s why, I kept my writings on my own. I became my worst enemy, because I started criticizing myself and my writings. Until, it became difficult for me to write.
When I stopped writing, I doubted myself even more. I could not express myself properly, either in speech or in writing. I could not even understand myself— what I want, what I need to do, and what is my talent. But the most difficult of all, is that I led myself towards depression.
I did not recognized it immediately. Though, my husband Jay, noticed the difference. He kept on reminding me how happy I am whenever I write. That’s why he pushed me to write again. He supported me with all the writing activities I wanted to join. He even tried his best to read my writings even if it is not his cup of tea.
Until it finally dawned on me. I am born to write. Writing is not just a hobby or a passion. It is the air that gives me life.
So today, I have made a commitment with myself. I will finally love myself. I will do my best to be kind to myself. I will try my best not to criticize myself and my writings. I will not frustrate myself on the things that I cannot do, instead focus on the things that I love to do.
If you were able to check the whole blog, you will see that it is a lot simpler now. I even took a pre-made template available online, because I believe that this template represents me best.
Whew! This is scarier than I thought. I want to do this. I know it’s difficult but I can do this!
Can you do me a favor? Can you send me a message to cheer me up? I would love to hear from you. Thank you! ^_^