I’ve read and heard the words, “God is with us” several times yesterday—on a bumper sticker, on my devotional, homily, and even on the talk. I know these words are for me. I’m baffled. But I opt not to think about it.
But today, I woke up feeling like a new person. I revisited yesterday’s word “God is with us.” And asked myself, “when did I start forgetting God’s presence in my life.” It didn’t take me that long, before finally realizing when.
You see, in just 6 mos, I lost two best friends. Two dear friends, who were with me for decades. Friends, who were with me through my ups and downs. Friends, who never left my side. Friends, whom I shared my tears and my smiles with. My favorite girls I fondly call them.
When Ellen left, I thought I was ok. But a part of me was asking, “Why it has to be her?” I even questioned God, “Why didn’t you answer my prayers? Am I bad? Are my intentions not pure, when praying for the recovery of my dear friend?” But I heard no answer.
I stopped serving. I rejected almost all services/tasks that were given to me. I know that I am spiritually drained. And I know I cannot serve Him at this moment of my life. It even came to the point that hearing worship songs became sore to my ear. There are times that I wanted to worship but it felt bland.
Six months later, Gela left too. And I felt more broken. I had the same questions. I even asked, “Didn’t you say everything will be ok? Why are you taking my friends away?” Still got no answer.
I took their loss casually. I don’t want to make it a big deal, I thought I’ll be ok. But the more I deny to myself that I am hurt, the more I lost interest in the richness of life. I was grieving for my lost friends. I was stuck, I do not know what to do. I was overwhelmed with the challenges of life. I lost my purpose and my direction.
But after today’s meditation, God made me feel His presence once again. He reminded me that as I see my friends’ death as a loss, He sees it as new life with Him. I see their pain but God sees their healing. I see their lifeless body but God sees their lively souls. I see sadness but God sees joy. I see emptiness but God sees fulfillment to His promise of salvation.
I didn’t just lose my friends but I lost my faith in Him, too.
Today, I’ve decided to accept that I am broken but I’m not stopping there. Instead, I’ve made my decision to rise up and let God take control.
Father, thank you for reminding me that you are here with me. Thank you for making me feel your love despite all the things I’ve been through. Lord, Touch my heart that I may learn to accept the pain and heal the wounds. Walk with me that I may know your way. Lead me that I may always remember that your plans are way better than mine. Amen.
This journal shows, how I journeyed and continue journeying to the Art of Asking. It isn’t easy, there will be failures, pains, doubts, and brokenness. But in every situation, God never fails to remind me that His plan is better than mine.
Have you lost someone close to your heart that made you question God’s promises to you? How were you able to cope the loss without losing your faith in Him? Share with me your thoughts, I would love to hear from you!
You may grab a copy of The Art of Asking here.